Role Models

As he walks into the room and sits along the wall, the old familiar smell of sweat and disinfectant flood him with memories of hard work, determination, failure, victory, and challenge.  He digs through his bag to find his shoes.  The toes are worn, the leather shiny from sliding along the mat.  He loosens up the laces and slides the shoes on.  It is a ritual, tighten the laces, straighten the tongue, tie the knot.  He’s done this a thousand or more times, if he’s done it once.  With the shoes on, he rises and steps on the mat.  It is quiet.  The team hasn’t shown up yet so he loosens up and gets the kinks out of his muscles.  He’s not young anymore and practices are getting harder and harder on his body.  It has been 25 years since he competed.  An average wrestler in his day, maybe a little better than average if he was to be honest with himself. He won a few medals, never was a champion.  Inconsistent and always had a tinge of regret that he didn’t begin the sport sooner.  Perhaps he would have done better had he more experience, but it doesn’t matter now.  He coaches now and reflects on his failures and what he learned from them and now strives to teach these young men the wonders of the sport as well as helping them avoid the mistakes he made so long ago and to develop their character in the pursuit of being gentleman that will be able to seize their future with zeal and passion.  Understanding that life just like in a wrestling match, that in one moment, they may be on top and winning with ease, but with one tiny mistake, one lapse in focus, the tables can turn and they find themselves on their back struggling to survive.

He started coaching when he was 16.  A family friend was the coach of his sister’s T-Ball Team.  He was eight years her senior so there was a significant enough age difference to where the kids still looked up to him because he was in high school.  He coached as an assistant for a few years and learned early on that coaching others was a delicate relationship that came with a great deal of influence and a huge amount of power.  And to quote Peter Parker’s Uncle, “With great power comes great responsibility.”  He made mistakes.  One mistake in particular that has stuck with him is during one of the games, a player approached him and said he had to go to the bathroom.  He was on deck at the moment and was about to bat, so he told the kid to wait.  When the kid stepped up to the plate, he stood there and started crying and that’s when the coach noticed a giant pee stain on his pants.  If the coach remembers that 30 some years later, it is quite likely that the kid remembers it too.  Lesson:  when an 8 year old says he has to pee.  He has to do it now.  Let him pee. T-Ball will wait.  The bigger lesson is to listen to kids, they all have something they fear and they will remember the guy that helped them face that fear and conquer it.

The kids start coming in, 7th and 8th graders.  It is a great age.  They are goofy.  They’re hyper.  But they are also little sponges craving information and at that tender age where they could go either way.  He has this belief that part of the responsibility falls on him to help them choose the right path.  He is their coach.  Their mentor.  They look to him for guidance.  He uses wrestling metaphors to explain challenges they will have in life.  He uses practice to teach about discipline, character, respect.  Perseverance.  Wrestling is a tough sport.  You are on a team but you are alone at the same time.  You step on the mat with an opponent.  One on one.  There is no one to help you.  Win or lose you do it alone.  You will lose.  It is a fact.  One that is true in life as well.  Realistically, only a few of these kids will wrestle beyond high school.  So knowing this, what is the important lesson?  After pondering it is not whether they will win or lose, they will do both.  But rather how they win or lose.  So we work hard.  Have fun and teach that we win with grace and lose with dignity.  Sportsmanship is key.

That’s why he comes to practice with a room full of smelly kids who laugh uncontrollably at an errant fart.  To be there for them.  To guide them.  To answer their silly questions.  But most importantly to teach them about life and to be their role model.  And to use the great sport of wrestling to do it and maybe…just maybe become decent grapplers as well.

Do you have a memorable coach in your life?  Leave a comment about the impact they had on you.

Dealing with Disappointment

Marriage. Careers.  Parenting.  Life.

These are some of the things that can bring some of the greatest joys and happiest times in our lives.  They also have the potential for some of the most stressful times as well.

Nobody gets married thinking about divorce, people don’t have kids worrying about their attitude in the teen years, we take jobs expecting to work for that company until we decide to leave.  The reality is for everything good that comes our way, there is also something equally bad that may also happen.

I have made my share of poor choices in the course of my life, some worse than others and in some cases my choices have had a negative impact on both myself and others.  I have also made good choices that have helped others and been truly rewarding to myself.  I’m not sure if karma has come into play or not, but I seem to be having a rough go over the past few years.  I’ve had more trials and tribulations that positive uplifting events.  Most recently, I was laid off from a good job in a struggling company.  Totally outside my control.  At the same time I got wind of a great opportunity and even had someone on the inside that recommended to the leadership team.  However, even though I nailed the first two interviews, somewhere along the line I did not make it to the final cut.  It was disappointing and took the wind out of my sails.  I really wanted this job for a myriad of reasons.  It was a great career move, the commute was close, and I currently do not have a job.

When you desire something with a passion out of both necessity and opportunity, it is hard to think that it may not happen.  My first thought when I got the call was, I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up.  But after I was able to reflect on the moment for awhile after I got over the initial shock.  I realized that I would rather put my heart and soul into working towards a goal than to limit myself by being cautious.  Dream big, live big. Even though the fall is harder, when I do nail that opportunity, I do it by being the best that I can be.

I strive to live my life with zest and vigor, soaking up the most raw experience possible, leaving nothing behind, win or lose. Disappointment is going to happen.  It is how you deal with it that shows your quality.  I will continue to seek opportunities with passion and I will accept my failures with grace.  My head will stay up and I will persevere.

“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan “press on” has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race”

 Calvin Coolidge

Courage and Perseverance

Life is hard sometimes.  Other times, easy.  It is full of ups and down, trials and tribulations, rewards and praises.  We travel from a zenith where all is bright and clear down to an abyss, dark and murky and back up again.  We can flow through our lives as water in a river moving around obstacles, slowly wearing them down through constant motion or we can sit stagnant like the water in the swamp, growing murky, never moving, never going anywhere.  And if all this isn’t enough to manage for ourselves, once we become parents we have to watch our children face those same ne plus ultra and the nadir through which everyone must endure.

The past couple weeks have been fraught with trials for my family and I.  From a custody battle to an unexpected job loss and season ending injuries, we have endured the path from apex to bottom and yet we have approached these glitches like rocks in the river, they block our path and yet we move around them, leaving them behind.  Bad things will happen, that is a guarantee of the lives we lead.  Yet without those bad, unpleasant, and testing times, we would have little appreciation for the good things that we make happen.  For love, victory, happiness.  These are the things that make this life of ours worth living.

We can wallow in self pity when things do not go our way, when loved ones pass, marriages end, and when we have failures.  Or we can take these tragedies and misgivings in stride and rise above any pain, remembering the good times, learning from failures in marriage, careers, parenting.

We will win and lose in life, this is certain.  It is not a matter of if these things will happen but when. And whether we win or lose is not as important on how we do them.

Win with grace, lose with dignity.  Persevere and have courage to face life and get all we can from it, for it is so short and meant to be lived with vigor, hope, and zest.